Restaurant La Scala Restaurant part 1 part 2
Guest: can you suggest me a restaurant?
Concierge: Yes Sir, Which kind of restaurant?
G: italian food, something with a garden or terrace ...
C: sure, I know I can suggest ######, it's just near the hotel, excellent food and not expensive.
G: (pulling out a list of restaurants), what about ####, is it good?
C: yes it's good But They Do not have any terrace or garden ... (What the hell are you asking if you have a list of a thousand restaurants ?!?!?)
G: and this one?
C: this is not a restaurant, it's a pub Where You can have some food (ignorant)
G: but the guide book say That it's a restaurant!
C: I know maybe I'm in mistake. (But you know where you can put your guide ?!?!?)
G: Do you have room service? I'm tired and I think I'll eat in the room.
C: sure sir, call 987 from your room (and thanks for making me waste time!)
Friday, August 21, 2009
How To Write A Letter Of Reconsideration
Guest: can you suggest me a restaurant?
Concierge: Which kind of restaurant are you looking for?
G: something traditional, good food, not touristic, walking distance and ... not expensive!
C: ehmmmm ... (My house ?!?!)
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Mouthpieces For Braces
Special discount ...
Guest: Do you have a room?
Receptionist: yes sir, how many people and how many nights?
G: me and my wife just one night
R: the room is available and the rate is Euro xxx.00
G: special discount for indian people?
R: ehhhh (how?)
G: you know we are 1 billion persons in india I Should Have you a special discount for indian peolple!
A: I'm sorry But this is our best available rate (I have not understood the history of the discount)
G: Is breakfast included?
A: yes sir taxes and breakfast are included.
G: ok I'll take it
R: ... (Luckily if not tonight I could not fall asleep at the thought that I made you a discount for the Indians!)
Guest: Do you have a room?
Receptionist: yes sir, how many people and how many nights?
G: me and my wife just one night
R: the room is available and the rate is Euro xxx.00
G: special discount for indian people?
R: ehhhh (how?)
G: you know we are 1 billion persons in india I Should Have you a special discount for indian peolple!
A: I'm sorry But this is our best available rate (I have not understood the history of the discount)
G: Is breakfast included?
A: yes sir taxes and breakfast are included.
G: ok I'll take it
R: ... (Luckily if not tonight I could not fall asleep at the thought that I made you a discount for the Indians!)
Friday, August 14, 2009
Thing To Put On Dog's Grave
Internet connection
Guest: I want Internet conncetion
Concierge: Yes Sir, Should you buy your connection online with your credit card.
G: this card?
C: No Sir not the room key card, the credit card as Visa or Mastercard. (With door key, of course!)
G: my credit card ?!?!?!?!
C: Sir yes (if you want to do my time with all the money they give me here I can afford and how!)
G: not free ?!?!?!?!
C: No Sir, it's not free
G: in spain is free
C: I'm sorry Sir That we are not in Spain and in Italy nothing is free (why do not you go back in spain?)
Guest: I want Internet conncetion
Concierge: Yes Sir, Should you buy your connection online with your credit card.
G: this card?
C: No Sir not the room key card, the credit card as Visa or Mastercard. (With door key, of course!)
G: my credit card ?!?!?!?!
C: Sir yes (if you want to do my time with all the money they give me here I can afford and how!)
G: not free ?!?!?!?!
C: No Sir, it's not free
G: in spain is free
C: I'm sorry Sir That we are not in Spain and in Italy nothing is free (why do not you go back in spain?)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Sayings With Butterfly And School
B
Guest: sorry put ticket yesterday for breakfast in room outside door But room service do not bring me breakfast!
Concierge: I'm sorry sir. at what have you put the tickets outside the door? (Use a few articles every now and then ?!?!)
G: around this time ... Breakfast room is on ticket But I wrote 12:00 until 11:00.
C: ehhhh ... (I must also respond?)
G: Also talk with the restaurant at 12:00 but no one bring me breakfast!
C: Sorry Sir But at That Time it's not lunch time and breakfast time! (Want to save lunch money, cheap!)
G: I know I Can not Have breakfast at 12:00?
C: No Sir, breakfast finish at 11:00, lunch at 12:30 You Can Have If You Want ...
Guest: sorry put ticket yesterday for breakfast in room outside door But room service do not bring me breakfast!
Concierge: I'm sorry sir. at what have you put the tickets outside the door? (Use a few articles every now and then ?!?!)
G: around this time ... Breakfast room is on ticket But I wrote 12:00 until 11:00.
C: ehhhh ... (I must also respond?)
G: Also talk with the restaurant at 12:00 but no one bring me breakfast!
C: Sorry Sir But at That Time it's not lunch time and breakfast time! (Want to save lunch money, cheap!)
G: I know I Can not Have breakfast at 12:00?
C: No Sir, breakfast finish at 11:00, lunch at 12:30 You Can Have If You Want ...
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Names Of Songs In Brazil
Nice view please!
In a hotel in Milan center, just near the Duomo. At check-in time ...
Guest: nice view please!
Receptionist: on the lake or on the river? (But you know where you are?)
G ..... on the lake!
R: on the lake?
G: yes, the lake!
A: Sorry Sir But in Milan, we do not have any lake or river Any!
G: Really ?!?!?
A: Yes Sir (hee city that already cabbage without a lake or a river)
G: I know where is the view?
R or on an internal courtyard or on the street (or expect you to book a hotel near seaplane ...)
G: I'm so disappointed ...
R: Sir me too (and I would like a sea view!)
In a hotel in Milan center, just near the Duomo. At check-in time ...
Guest: nice view please!
Receptionist: on the lake or on the river? (But you know where you are?)
G ..... on the lake!
R: on the lake?
G: yes, the lake!
A: Sorry Sir But in Milan, we do not have any lake or river Any!
G: Really ?!?!?
A: Yes Sir (hee city that already cabbage without a lake or a river)
G: I know where is the view?
R or on an internal courtyard or on the street (or expect you to book a hotel near seaplane ...)
G: I'm so disappointed ...
R: Sir me too (and I would like a sea view!)
Monday, August 10, 2009
How Much Can Cost For Sprinkler Inspection
I need a Car ...
August 10 22:30 pm
asnwering Concierge on the phone: Concierge good evening are S.
Guest on phone: Good Evening
C: good evening
G: do you speak Inglese?
C: yes Madam how can I help you? (No look, I know two words on the cross in English and work in this hotel)
G: need a car ... with a driver ... and a bodyguard ...
C: sorry for Madam When? (Certainly a bodyguard)
G: for now, I mean in 10/15 minutes
C: sorry But I think at this time it's a little bit Difficult to get a bodyguard (no waiting in the pocket 'I)
G: why?
C: the bodyguard agencies are closed now! (Check back pocket waiting ... still nothing!)
G: are you sure?
C: yes Madam (no look I did not know what to say and I shot the first shit that came to my mind, actually I have an army of bodyguards in the drawer but they are so bad that you do not want to give one! !). Can I ask you where are you going?
G: Hotel to xxx to have a drink
C: Madam you can take a taxi, it's 5 minutes from here and I do not think you will need a bodyguard in xxx Hotel! (But who want to watch you as you are ugly and in a hotel ?!?!)
...
5 minutes later at the desk ...
G: I know you do not have a bodyguard?
C: (I open a drawer and closing), no Madam I'm afraid I have not found it! (Not even there in the drawer!).
August 10 22:30 pm
asnwering Concierge on the phone: Concierge good evening are S.
Guest on phone: Good Evening
C: good evening
G: do you speak Inglese?
C: yes Madam how can I help you? (No look, I know two words on the cross in English and work in this hotel)
G: need a car ... with a driver ... and a bodyguard ...
C: sorry for Madam When? (Certainly a bodyguard)
G: for now, I mean in 10/15 minutes
C: sorry But I think at this time it's a little bit Difficult to get a bodyguard (no waiting in the pocket 'I)
G: why?
C: the bodyguard agencies are closed now! (Check back pocket waiting ... still nothing!)
G: are you sure?
C: yes Madam (no look I did not know what to say and I shot the first shit that came to my mind, actually I have an army of bodyguards in the drawer but they are so bad that you do not want to give one! !). Can I ask you where are you going?
G: Hotel to xxx to have a drink
C: Madam you can take a taxi, it's 5 minutes from here and I do not think you will need a bodyguard in xxx Hotel! (But who want to watch you as you are ugly and in a hotel ?!?!)
...
5 minutes later at the desk ...
G: I know you do not have a bodyguard?
C: (I open a drawer and closing), no Madam I'm afraid I have not found it! (Not even there in the drawer!).
Sunday, August 9, 2009
A Game Where You Can Get Pregnant
Fashion Show ... Concierge
Guest: where can I go to see a fashion show in Milan?
Concierge: sorry Madam, in this period there Are not Any fashion show in Milan! (But where are you)
G: Why? Is not the Milan fashion city?
C: Yes Madam, But we do not have fashion show in August ... The next fashion show on September are. (It's already so much so that the shops are still open)
G: are you sure?
C: yes madam (no I'm not sure but it looks crap shoot, just to say something) [fake smile]
Receptionist to G: where can I go to see a fashion show in Milan?
Receptionist: Sorry But as the Concierge told you there Are not Any fashion show in Milan in this period (but in what language I'll have to say ?!?!?!)
G: strange ...
C: yes madam, very strange ... (But f_tt_t_)
Guest: where can I go to see a fashion show in Milan?
Concierge: sorry Madam, in this period there Are not Any fashion show in Milan! (But where are you)
G: Why? Is not the Milan fashion city?
C: Yes Madam, But we do not have fashion show in August ... The next fashion show on September are. (It's already so much so that the shops are still open)
G: are you sure?
C: yes madam (no I'm not sure but it looks crap shoot, just to say something) [fake smile]
Receptionist to G: where can I go to see a fashion show in Milan?
Receptionist: Sorry But as the Concierge told you there Are not Any fashion show in Milan in this period (but in what language I'll have to say ?!?!?!)
G: strange ...
C: yes madam, very strange ... (But f_tt_t_)
How To Change House Deed Illinois
antiquity was the name he called the guard ship, who had the keys to the house. He welcomed the arrival of the guests and was attentive to their needs during their stay.
In the 12th century, the Concierges then appeared in European castles and stately homes, where they became the most important member of the staff of the Palace and that, for all centuries to come.
Now, as then, their task is to welcome and assist guests throughout their stay. Castles and Palaces are, of course, Luxury Hotels, Concierges and continue their work in the sign of the ancient tradition.
of your hotel's concierge will guide you, advise you throughout your stay. And no matter if it is asked a simple question od un problema complicato: sarà in grado di risolverlo perché la sua funzione è quella di soddisfarvi in ogni desiderio. Sempre!
Perpetuity With Inflation
I am a Front Desk Agent
I have advanced degrees in Accounting, Public Relations, Marketing, Business, Computer Science, Civil Engineering, and Swahili. I can also read minds.
Of course I have the reservation that you booked six years ago even though you don't have the confirmation number and you think it was made under a name that starts with "S".
It is completely my fault that the blizzard shut down the airport and you have to sleep in a warm king-size bed while 5000 of your co-travellers are sleeping in benches at the airport. I am sorry.
I am a Front Desk Agent. I am expected to speak all languages fluently. It is obvious to me that when you booked your reservation for Friday on the weekend we're sold out that you really meant Saturday. My company has entrusted me with all financial information and decisions, and yes, I am lying to you when I say we have no more rooms available. It is not a problem for me to quickly construct several more guest rooms. THIS time I will not forget the helicopter landing pad. And it is my fault that everyone wanted to stay here. I should have known you were coming in, even though you had no reservation. After all, you stay at our brand of hotel all the time, 300 nights a year, and this is only the first time you've ever been to our city.
I am a front desk agent. I am quite capable of checking three people in, two people out, taking five reservations, answering fifteen incoming calls, delivering six bath towels to room 625, plunging the toilet in room 101, and restocking the supply of pool towels, all at the same time. Yes, I will be glad to call the van driver and tell him to drive over all the cars stuck in traffic because you've been waiting at the airport for 15 minutes and you've got jet lag.
I am a front desk agent, an operator, a bellhop, houseman, guest service representative, housekeeper, sales coordinator, information specialist, entertainment critic, restauranteur, stock broker, referee, janitor, computer technician, plumber, ice-breaker, postman, babysitter, dispatcher, laundry cleaner, lifeguard, electrician, ambassador, personal fitness trainer, fax expert, human jukebox, domestic abuse counselor, and verbal punching bag. Yes, I know room 112 is not answering their phone. And of course I have their travel itinerary so I know exactly where they went when they left here 9 hours ago, and what their cell phone number is.
I always know where to find the best vegetarian-kosher-Mongolian-barbecue restaurants. I know exactly what to see and do in this city in fifteen minutes without spending any money and without getting caught in traffic. I take personal blame for airline food, traffic jams, rental car flat tires, and the nation's economy.
I realize that you meant to book your reservation here. People often confuse us with the Galaxy Delight Motel, Antarctica. Of course I can "fit you in" and yes, you may have the special €1 rate because you are affiliated with the Hoboken Accounting and Bagel Club.
I am expected to smile, empathize, sympathize, console, condole, upsell, downsell (and know when to do which), perform, sing, dance, fix the printer, and tell your friends that you're here. And I know exactly where 613 Possum Trot Lane is in the Way Out There subdivision that they just built last week.
After all, I AM a Front Desk Agent!
I am a Front Desk Agent
I have advanced degrees in Accounting, Public Relations, Marketing, Business, Computer Science, Civil Engineering, and Swahili. I can also read minds.
Of course I have the reservation that you booked six years ago even though you don't have the confirmation number and you think it was made under a name that starts with "S".
It is completely my fault that the blizzard shut down the airport and you have to sleep in a warm king-size bed while 5000 of your co-travellers are sleeping in benches at the airport. I am sorry.
It is not a problem for me to give you seven connecting, non-smoking, poolside suites with two king beds in each, four rollaways, 3 cribs, and yes, I can install a wet bar. I know it is my fault that we do not have a helicopter landing pad.
I am a Front Desk Agent. I am expected to speak all languages fluently. It is obvious to me that when you booked your reservation for Friday on the weekend we're sold out that you really meant Saturday. My company has entrusted me with all financial information and decisions, and yes, I am lying to you when I say we have no more rooms available. It is not a problem for me to quickly construct several more guest rooms. THIS time I will not forget the helicopter landing pad. And it is my fault that everyone wanted to stay here. I should have known you were coming in, even though you had no reservation. After all, you stay at our brand of hotel all the time, 300 nights a year, and this is only the first time you've ever been to our city.
I am a front desk agent. I am quite capable of checking three people in, two people out, taking five reservations, answering fifteen incoming calls, delivering six bath towels to room 625, plunging the toilet in room 101, and restocking the supply of pool towels, all at the same time. Yes, I will be glad to call the van driver and tell him to drive over all the cars stuck in traffic because you've been waiting at the airport for 15 minutes and you've got jet lag.
I am a front desk agent, an operator, a bellhop, houseman, guest service representative, housekeeper, sales coordinator, information specialist, entertainment critic, restauranteur, stock broker, referee, janitor, computer technician, plumber, ice-breaker, postman, babysitter, dispatcher, laundry cleaner, lifeguard, electrician, ambassador, personal fitness trainer, fax expert, human jukebox, domestic abuse counselor, and verbal punching bag. Yes, I know room 112 is not answering their phone. And of course I have their travel itinerary so I know exactly where they went when they left here 9 hours ago, and what their cell phone number is.
I always know where to find the best vegetarian-kosher-Mongolian-barbecue restaurants. I know exactly what to see and do in this city in fifteen minutes without spending any money and without getting caught in traffic. I take personal blame for airline food, traffic jams, rental car flat tires, and the nation's economy.
I realize that you meant to book your reservation here. People often confuse us with the Galaxy Delight Motel, Antarctica. Of course I can "fit you in" and yes, you may have the special €1 rate because you are affiliated with the Hoboken Accounting and Bagel Club.
I am expected to smile, empathize, sympathize, console, condole, upsell, downsell (and know when to do which), perform, sing, dance, fix the printer, and tell your friends that you're here. And I know exactly where 613 Possum Trot Lane is in the Way Out There subdivision that they just built last week.
After all, I AM a Front Desk Agent!
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